Our cultural take on age is aggressively biased toward an assumption: Youth is strong and joyful, while old age is feeble and miserable.
It’s no wonder 87% of us have FOGO (fear of getting old), a loud majority citing at least one reason why getting old will suck.
(In case you’re curious, the 3 leading anxieties are physical decline, mental decline, and finances. Stay strong, Social Security.)
Then, out of nowhere, comes the survey data, which convincingly quibbles with this prevailing narrative. In fact, the data shows that old age presents us with a crystal opportunity to relive happiness with fresh eyes.
Did I say fresh? I meant tired, bespectacled eyes that need cataract surgery. But still…
The U-Shaped Happiness Curve
Over the typical human life cycle, happiness looks something like this:
This is what stats geeks refer to as a “U-shaped” relationship, higher on the ends with a dip in the middle.
On average, people report being happier in their youth before seeing a dip in middle age, starting at about 40. As I write, I’m 45. And I’ll admit that this makes a SHIT TON of sense.
Then, something sunny happens, whipping our happy brain back in shape at about 60. The consistent upward trend shows staying power, lasting right up until our twilight years.
I don’t have the data to confirm it, but I strongly suspect there’s a waterfall at the end, about the time an oxygen tank becomes our therapy animal.
There, that’s better. Now we have more detail and can expect our happiness to kick the bucket right before we do.
FWIW, humans may be in good sad company, as the same mid-life crisis has been observed in great apes. When you see a greying chimp cruising I-95 in a red convertible Aston Martin, you’ll know why.
Explaining the U-Shaped Happiness Curve
Peak youth happiness sits at about 20 years old. This is a time when we are typically healthier, more social, indifferent to hangovers, and have multiple sex partners in a year. Importantly, those partners have velvety skin and are very bendy.
The bendier the partners, the more optimistic your view of life. (Pretty sure I just paraphrased Wittgenstein.)
Forty, on the other hand, is a valley of distinct lows. The most commonly cited reasons for the dip in life satisfaction are career strain, family stress (read: marriage and offspring), aging parents, and, you guessed it, worries about getting old.
A quick read of the literature, and you’ll find that life stressors shoulder most of the blame.
In our 20s, our responsibilities are fewer and failure less dire. Getting an F in Econ 101 means a lost semester. Getting an F in parenting means your kid rocks a scar for life. Lower stakes = fewer worries—and a rosier outlook. That’s the idea, anyway.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the dip starts when a lot of people’s kids are approaching their tween years. Then it intensifies as the kids get their learner’s permit.
I’m not there yet as a parent. But this also makes a shit ton of sense.
The Old Age Rebound in Happiness
Just when depression takes the lead, joy makes a fourth-quarter comeback.
Most of the research agrees that, if conditions are right, there’s often a surge in fulfillment as our kids finally get out of our house and fold their own laundry.
The most common explanation for the rebound is that our silver years have more perspective and emotional balance. This explanation falls a little flat for me, maybe overly simplistic. I also think the aforementioned conditions add a gaggle of caveats.
That said, there’s probably something to this notion, that greying perspective realigns our actions toward things that are more fulfilling.
I thought Margit Cox Henderson put it well:
“With age, the focus turns away from social competition and toward social connection. As the end of life nears, priorities shift towards savoring life, love, and this present moment together. This gratitude for what matters most is easier to experience when life’s fleeting nature is salient.”
Translation: Your mortality sharpens, so you quit your bitchin’ and appreciate life more.
There are a bevy of life experiences associated with the old age bump. Research out of the UK showed a significant spike in life satisfaction after becoming a grandparent. Research out of Hong Kong supported that conclusion.
And, for what it’s worth, grandparents who are actively involved with grandchildren are more likely to experience the benefits.
So don’t belly ache when you get babysitting duty, Mom, I’m doing you a favor.
Retirement has also been shown to produce bumps in life satisfaction. A 2024 study by Mass Mutual showed that 67% of retirees reported being “somewhat” or “much more happy” after retirement.
Sounds kickass, but here come the conditions: They were more likely to feel the joy if they were financially prepared and in good health.
Young MC said it way back in 1989: If you got no money and you got no car, then you got no woman, and there you are.
(In this reference, woman = happiness. Apologies for the objectification. Also, preach.)
But is the U-shaped curve really real?
So you’re sniffing out the weaknesses with this argument, huh? Good for you. Because there’s quite a few.
First, the entire relationship is based on data out of developed nations that don’t represent the full human experience.
In rural subsistence communities, for example, there’s a gradual decline in life satisfaction after middle age. This is likely because of sagging productivity and the lack of financial support for the elderly.
In other words, older folks in these communities are missing out on key staples of American retirement.
Like railing against the feds while watching Newsmax in the air conditioning…just before a Medicare-funded doc’s appointment…and cashing their Social Security check in Reno.
(This is what retirees do, right?)
In fact, a rural subsistence economy often produces an inverted U-shape, with happiness peaking in middle age. Their chart, fittingly, makes a frowny face.
Most importantly, researchers noted that age didn’t explain a ton. The more important determinants of happiness were physical health and a loss of productivity.
This takes us back to the “conditions” of happiness from before, namely money and health. Those factors explain happiness as much as (or more) than age.
In the end, there’s a clear path to making your happiness curve smiley instead of frowny (or Bell’s palsy-ish).
First, financial health. Then, physical health. Finally, healthy relationships.
Those are the planets you’ll want to align to make your sun shine brighter in old age.